Many people turn to tarot with the expectation of finding out what is going to happen to them in the future. Despite tarot's reputation for fortune telling, the cards can actually provide more value if used to advise about the present. This is especially true for readings about love and relationships.

If you're asking "what my love life is going to be like in the future?", your question suggests that you're unable to influence your relationship and you're placing your love life into the hands of external factors. I see this happening quite often, when I receive tarot questions about matters of the heart.

People are surrendering to the will of "fate" despite the fact that the most important thing that can influence their relationships is their own actions, thoughts, habits and behaviours.

So how can you change the focus from the external and uncontrolled and concentrate your question on the things you can be in charge of?

How to ask tarot about the matters of the heart

When asking tarot a question I always advise people to follow three simple rules:

  1. Focus the question(s) on yourself;
  2. Concentrate on asking about what is true now rather than in the future or the past;
  3. Always aim for the open-ended questions.

Read more about these three rules for asking powerful tarot questions.

In love and relationships like with pretty much anything in life, you can only change things if you are able to control them. Or at the very least influence. It is a long shot to rest your hopes on other people whose opinion or actions you cannot control, or worry unnecessarily over future events or other external factors that you cannot influence.

You can't really make other people love you, without doing anything to build the relationship in the first place. The best strategy here is to focus on your actions, attitude, behaviour and thoughts - anything that can practically help you to take charge of forging the relationship, resolve any issues that arise and understand and sympathise with conflicting views and emotions your partner might have.

So, what to ask the tarot? Let's have a look at a few examples.

What to ask

  1. What can I do to improve my relationships with my partner?
  2. What should I be doing to attract true love?
  3. What is the best way to get over my divorce/break up?
  4. What can I do to win back my ex?
  5. How can I best deal with my partner's [issue]?
  6. How can I let go of my ex emotionally?
  7. Why do I keep attracting unavailable partners?
  8. What can help me open my heart to new relationships?
  9. Am I ready for or capable of commitment?

You've probably noticed the pattern here - these questions are putting emphasis on you. They prompt the tarot to seek answers that you can action on.

We very often start asking the tarot about the future of our relationships or whether the person we fancy likes us. It's what we ultimately want, hence the questions are naturally phased this way. But the answers we get to these questions can be far from useful.

In such case, to get the most use of the tarot, phase your questions around yourself, your actions and your thoughts. Be proactive, take the lead in discovering what you can do to win the hearts ♥️ of loved ones, repair the existing relationships or prepare yourself for a new one. And remember, the future is a mystery but the time you have now is a gift 🎁 - that's why they call it the present!

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